If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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