If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
