i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
