I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize