Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize