i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
