Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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