just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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