If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
