The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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