Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
