As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
