Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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