That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
