did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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