i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
