You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
