I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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