So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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