Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
only you would photoshop your dick
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
