her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
