My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
