last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
