he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well you can't waste a boner
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
