They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
