WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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