So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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