i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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