He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
