Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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