dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
