Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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