All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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