we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
