I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
