i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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