she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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