i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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