Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
