I'm really into asian looking animals
literally had 100 drinks last night.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
