I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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