respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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