Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize