Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize