So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
