The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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