I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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