Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
