Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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