just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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