Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
