I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
