Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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