I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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