Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
