she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
