we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
