We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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