guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
