I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize