You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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