The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
