thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
