I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
