i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
