Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
