it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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