I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am one with the molecules
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
