I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize