Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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