I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
