You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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