dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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