I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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