i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
